I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
