He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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