i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you will always have a special place in my vag
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
