and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
