My sheets look like a crime scene.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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