Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
