Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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