I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
