I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
