matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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