dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
