I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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