Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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