checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
