A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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