yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
