his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's the barista slut.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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