i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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