and she was petting her beer can
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
