Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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