maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
