I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
