So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
