I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
