He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
