the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
