I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
