He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Congratulations! We have a period
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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