Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
