Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
