he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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