We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
