so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
