goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
