Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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