I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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