I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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