i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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