I met the friendliest cop last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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