Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
