I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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