Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
