I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
