I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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