I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
