You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
