dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am one with the molecules
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
