dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
