If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
