At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
